


debaser

by cupidsintern



Series: also on tumblr! [18]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Established Relationship, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsintern/pseuds/cupidsintern
Summary: Billy feels like he’s ruined sometimes. Like he's dirty or impure or whatever. He always feels stupid if he think about it too much. Either stupidly dramatic or stupidly depressed.But Steve’s not like that.He’s like this whole, pure thing. All the right pieces, in all the right places. Not a ding or a scratch. And Billy wants to touch him.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: also on tumblr! [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725826
Comments: 12
Kudos: 102





	debaser

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FlashMountain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashMountain/gifts).



> simon- i love you dearly
> 
> everyone else- go listen to the song. i swear its a love song.

Billy feels like he’s ruined sometimes. Like he's dirty or impure or whatever. He always feels stupid if he thinks about it too much. Either stupidly dramatic or stupidly depressed. 

But Steve’s not like that. 

He’s like this whole, pure thing. All the right pieces, in all the right places. Not a ding or a scratch. And Billy wants to touch him. 

That’s gotta be bad, right? Like how touching art in museums is bad. It’s meant to be enjoyed by everyone, not touched, not fucked up but just one person. 

One, stupid, selfish person. Like a dog that was dumb enough to step on wet concrete- otherwise the block would be smooth. 

But Billy wants to touch. Wants to so bad. Like how when he was a kid and his class went to the SDMA all he wanted the whole time was to touch the artwork. Feel the bumpy paint- the smooth marble. 

_Please refrain from touching the artwork._

Refraining made him want it more. 

Sometimes there’s art you’re supposed to touch. You get told you're allowed. They had an exhibit like that at the museum. 

Steve asks Billy to touch him sometimes- tells him- begs him. Says it's a-okay. 

Billy still feels bad about it. Not all the time. Just sometimes. When he thinks he should “refrain.” Or just when he thinks he shouldn't want to. 

Like now. 

Like staring at Steve across the couch from him. Like Steve's thick-knit sweater that Billy can feel the bumps on. Like his marble smooth skin. 

Steve smiles a little- he’s tired. He invited Billy over anyway. 

_“Just wanted to see you.”_

Billy tries to believe him when he says stuff like that. 

And what's the word- the opposite of Steve’s perfect in-a-sweater-on-a-couch purity. What would Billy do if he did touch?

Debase- that was it. 

Billy is either a child running over white carpet in muddy shoes, or a demon sent from hell to tempt Steve towards sin and neither makes him feel great about himself. He always ruins everything- 

“Hey.”

Billy re-focuses his eyes. Steve is looking at him. 

“You okay?” Steve nudges his foot harder against Billy's when he says it. He has socks on. Billy doesn't. 

“Yeah.” What Billy always says. Tries to make it believable. 

Steve’s smile widens. He glows. Its stupid. “Okay,” just a hint of a laugh. “What are you thinking about?”

“You.” Billy always says that too. It’s always the truth.

It makes Steve blush- and he always wears those with pride- “What about me?”

“Touching you.”

Steve’s blush gets darker. His leg presses harder against Billy’s. Billy wonders if Steve’s thinking about all the times Billy’s touched him. All the times Billy debased him, brought him one step closer to ruin-

But Steve’s still smiling a little when he asks, more quietly “Like how?”

Billy doesn't know how to answer that. Because it’s not like how Steve thinks it is- not like how he knows he's supposed to think about touching it’s-

Worse. Than that. 

Somehow worse than _The Worst Thing_ it doesn't have anything to do with sex even- at least he doesn’t think.

Billy lifts his hand to Steve's face, he’s close enough to reach- and thumbs over one of Steve's eyebrows. “Like that.” Steve’s expression changes. Like he's surprised. Like he likes it. He hums a little, leans into the touch. 

Is this worse?

Billy leans forward even more. He’s always wanted to do this- now that he’s started he can’t stop- puts his hands on either side of Steve's face. Steve raises an eyebrow at him. Billy pushes the eyebrow back down with his fingers, makes Steve laugh. 

“What are you-”

“Sh.” Billy shushes him, more serious than he meant to be. Maybe he just hoped Steve wouldn't make fun- he probably wouldn't. 

Billy’s practically sitting in Steve's lap now, knees on either side of his hips, just holding Steve's head- one hand on either side of it. He could kiss Steve if he wanted to. He doesn't want to yet- he feels like that would mean his little experiment was over. Instead, he moves Steve's head a little, nods it, just once. Steve lets him, settles his hands on Billy’s legs. 

Billy’s touching the artwork- the one he’s not supposed to. Didn't think he’d even know what to do if he got the chance, but he does- runs his hand through Steve’s hair, presses the pad of his thumb to Steve’s earlobe, runs his fingertips over Steve’s eyelashes. 

He just touches. 

It’s not worse. It's not allowed but- but it’s good. He likes it- doesn't feel bad about it.

“Can I talk yet?” Steve asks.

“No.” 

Steve smiles- with his stupid pretty mouth- and Billy hooks a finger under Steve’s lip, feels the slick softness of his skin, the bumps of his upper teeth- Steve doesn’t even flinch. 

Billy does kiss him, then. Thinks about it for a second, how Steve's teeth feel, then kisses him. A long kiss, but just one. Steve’s more than ready for it. 

“You can talk now.” Billy says when he pulls back, still holding Steve's neck. “Why’d you do that?” Steve grabs Billy’s hand up to run through his hair again. 

Billy shrugs. “‘Cause I can, I guess.”

“I liked it.” Steve sighs a little. He still looks like he's glowing. In his sweater. On the couch. 

Not ruined. Maybe Steve is un-ruinable. Or maybe Billys not the debaser he thought he was. 

Maybe being impure just isn't bad.


End file.
